Why I'm Not A Contender For America's Next Top Model

Right hand clenched, face unusable, wet spot in front of dress -- or at least it looks like it.  Who knows what that is, but at least the sweater looks fairly decent.

Left hand now clenched.  Do you think I was not enjoying this?  I think this shot was meant to show the side waist shaping. Not sure what it shows, if anything.  Except I did not know my boobs were that big.

I could swear that the back of this sweater is very nicely fitted and shapely.  Why, then, does it look like a sack of potatoes in this photo?

Checking the back hem, I guess.

Granny boots notwithstanding, I did not know I looked so much like a granny from behind. 

I know!  Let's take a photo of your ass completely in a SHADOW! 

Sleeves wrinkled and too short. 34C that looks like 38D.  Apparently that is another one of Marta's virtues.  Knit Marta! Grow two bust sizes!  Who knew?

  What the HELL am I doing here?!

Oh, I see.  I was getting ready to look in the garage window.  

This is my Great Aunt Matilda.  We had her stuffed and use her as a garden ornament.  Very natural-looking, erm?

The "natural" store mannequin pose.  WHAT.THE HELL was I doing????? (please note, you can see the nice waist shaping here)

Something about this stone wall makes me havta peeeeeeeee.

C. 1956.  This is my grandmother.

All right, enough with the Narcissism. It's supposed to be about the sweater, Marta. 

Specs:

Pattern: Marta, by Julie Weisenberger. 

Size:  Medium

Yarn:  Green Mt. Spinnery Mountain Mohair, Spice

Needle:  US 8

Modifications:  I knitted the sleeves flat and seamed them, rather than in the round as directed in the pattern. And I omitted the slit at the wrist.

I bit the bullet and I put in a buttonhole.  I snipped a stitch, put the open loops on needles, bound them off, sealed it a little more firmly, and wove in the ends.  I think this is basically the EZ afterthought way, as I found elucidated on a couple of blogs. 

I think it worked out pretty well.  Sadly, I am not thrilled about the placement of the button, and I should have loosened one more stitch, because the buttonhole is very tight and takes quite a bit of force and maneuvering to get it over the button. This does not bode well for the life of the sweater around the area of the buttonhole. I think I will just leave it buttoned and basically use this sweater as a pullover.  Not the best outcome for this very expensive yarn. The sweater is extremely comfortable and I think it is flattering, though looking at these photos I'm not as convinced of that as I am when looking in the mirror. (Apparently I have trick mirrors.)

One thing I have noticed is that Mountain Mohair seems to shrink -- or, rather, spring up -- with wear, rather than grow in length like some other yarns. It's a very lightweight, very soft, springy yarn.  I love the fabric it makes, but it does seem to have that quality of "shrinkage".

I'm tellin' you, it's always something!

It might be that the garment grows in width, but shortens in length.  I have noticed this phenomenon on finished sweaters in Green Mt. Spinnery's displays at festivals.  At least I thought that was what I was seeing, and now I think I've confirmed it. I swear to you that when I first put this on, the waist shaping was exactly at my waist, the back fit beautifully and perfectly, and that button was just above the waist.  I've worn it for three days now. Now it seems as if everything has moved UP two inches. 

So what does this mean?  As I'm writing this, I still feel that I love the sweater.  It has a tailored look that appeals to me, with a bit of a "sexy edge," as Emma commented on my Ravelry project page, but it needs some modifications.  I love the yarn and the color.  I think I like it enough to redo it, adding a couple of inches to the length, lowering where the waist shaping is a little bit AND putting in buttonholes. 

Whoa, that's a ton of work.  I think I'm just going to take a pill have a glass of wine get over myself, try reblocking it longer, and wear it and love it. 

Comments

[Cheryl S.]

OMG - the tears of laughter are still rolling down my face. Larry's too. This must be one of the best annotated fashion shoots ever.

Oh, and yes - even before you had it finished, I noticed that Marta was definitely a bust enhancer. Who needs those chicken cutlets anyway.

[Alida South Africa]

The last photo is the best- the rest are just too hilarious for words! Waist shaping 'enhances' one's boobage! Oh yes and in photographs/videos one always looks 'bigger'. It is a lovely cardigan though. I have finished one and half socks - practising on other yarn before I knit with the yarn you sent. The weather here is not very conducive to knitting at the moment - hot and humid day and night.

[Sarah]

Yes, you need to wear it and love it, Norma. I think it looks great. I am not seeing all of the problems you see.

[Seanna Lea]

It looks great on you! I'm always happier with how things look and feel while I am wearing them than I am with how they look in photographs, with a couple rare exceptions.

As great as Marta looks on you, I'm going to stay away from it myself. I am busty enough without getting additional bust measurements all around from my sweater!

[Mary]

I was considering knitting the Marta, but as I am a 38DD, the thought of all that ribbing trying to stretch over the the wiiiiide (and long-I am old and nursed 4 kids) prairie was a bit too much. Now I know that was a wise decision. However, on you, Norma...it looks lovely.

[Paula]

I dunno, Norma. I think you and Marta look great. I really like the new hair colour too. Very pretty in the sunshine.

[Mary Beth]

Your post is the SNL version of FO Blog entries! Thanks for the chuckle - so refreshing to not take it all so seriously. You do look chic and sophisticated in your Marta!

[Carole]

The photos are good and your commentary cracks me up. mwah!

[Nora]

LMAO - What an awesome post - too bad the truly narcissistic won't get it. In spite of your self-effacement, you are gorgeous, woman. So is the sweater - great knitting.

[Deirdre]

Oh, I am gagging laughing at your photoshoot... your sweater looks great though, and in spite of your criticisms, I think looks fabulous on you!

And I found the same thing about the yarn - I recently made a pullover from the same stuff - same colour, too - and was really surprised to have the waist move up on me...

[Jean E.]

That sweater is beautiful on you. Thanks for showing the pics of the buttonhole install.

[Karen]

Holy cow, it's rather boobtastic, isn't it?! Not that this is a bad thing. It's a lovely sweater - I reckon it'd be well worth a do-over with a couple more inches.

[Adelaide]

You are a babe, Norma! And the sweater is a knockout, too.

[lisa]

Well, if you were looking to be more boobalicious, this does it for ya! I lengthened a ribbed/cabled malabrigo sweater... just picked up and knit in the other direction after I'd worn it a few times. I added about 4 inches and you can see the line, but I don't care... at least the sweater is more wearable. Marta looks good on ya though, so I don't think you need to do that. I am also SO not a contender for the ANTM or any other kind of model, for many of the reasons as you and I think even more and worse! (And at 34DD, I know I won't be making this sweater for me... sigh, it is a lovely sweater...)

[a simple yarn]

From those of us who haven't got 'em, embrace the fact that you've got a rack. Nice work...knitting, posing, commentary. A little cheesecake to go with the Sunday morning coffee....

[Vicki]

It looks great, Norma. You look FANTASTIC!

[margene]

It looks fabulous and you look marvelous in it. It IS always something with sweaters. Often I think I'll "do it again" and do it right but never do. You'll wear it regardless. It really looks nice.

[sandy]

FANFREAKINGTASTIC, Nor! I love it! The color is perfect for you, the style extremely wearable, the button perfect, the fit exquisite~ A great knit! Wear it, baby~~~~~~~~

[gayle]

Laughed myself silly over your commentary, though, Norma DEAR, the photos look so much better than you think they do!
And I'm sure the extra boobage will lead to an interesting blog post in the future...
Nicely done on the buttonhole. Better too tight than too loose - buttonholes seem to stretch, so it should work out in your favor.
Love the sweater - you look great!

[barbara]

what a fun start to my blog browsing today......loved the "word story, complete with photos". like the sweater, too, congrats on the buttonhole success !

[Jennifer]

Dahling - you (and the sweater) look mahvelous. It's really a stunning sweater - and the color and that FAB necklace are to-die-for. Congratulations on such a wonderful creation - from the pattern, to the yarn, to the color, to the shaping, and finally the accessories and model.

PS - What did you find in the garage window?

[susan]

Love the necklace.

[gale (she shoots sheep shots)]

That sweater looks great on you. Who said photographing people in handknits was easy??? ;-)
Really a stunning sweater in that color & yarn, good call on the buttonhole too.
My favorite is the garden ornament caption.

[Karlie]

I am pouting over the fact that it looks distinctly melty in your neck of the woods. The last 4 days here we've had -30C windchills. The sweater looks really nice on you though! The colour is really good.

[JudithNYC]

Your grandmother must have been some pretty hot chick!

[Beebs]

LOVE the sweater, the color, the photos, the captions(!), and especially Great Aunt Matilda! You did an excellent job on the buttonhole. Marta looks wonderful on you. And have I mentioned recently that I really love having you blog every day? Yep, I do.

[Ruth]

It looks amazing on you! I hate doing FO shoots - I always wind up with a double chin and a protruding belly no matter how I contort myself. I'm thinking I ought to knit that sweater though - if it gave me back the boobage I lost when I finished breast-feeding, my other figure flaws might be less noticeable!

[kmkat]

The stuffed Matilda garden ornament comment had me hooting (as opposed to the chuckling I was doing at the others). What a great post. Good luck with Marta -- she IS a beautiful sweater.

[Sunnyknitter]

Love the fashion shoot and the sweater looks great! Your commentary made me smile this morning, and I feel like poo so that's saying something!

[Helen]

It looks marvelous.
Cameras add weight and boobage... they lie.
I didn't want one before... and now I do (even with the boob enhancement risk, that I will try desperately to counteract without undoing the waist enhancment). So... see... it's lovely and you should wear it proudly.

[Cookie]

Great rack!

Yeah, yeah... nice sweater, too.

xo

[Renee]

You are so much fun!!!
You are lovely, as is Marta. :)

[Sarah]

Your photo comments caused me to make a wee mess all over the computer desk with coffee. Think liquid spewing, from orifices which shall not be named. Bang up job on the Marta sweater.

[Eluzabeth]

No sweater gives me a 38D EVER! So no complainin'.
My own sweater out takes are not post-able, the commentary not printable.
Lovely sweater.
Nice necklace, too.

[jessica~]

You are hilarious. And fantastic! Great sweater :)

[claudia]

Your boobs really aren't that big. I've seen 'em.

;-)

That is cute on you. Perhaps you'll like it better after wearing it a few more times.

[--Deb]

Oh, jeez ... you crack me up! The sweater looks fabulous, and the photo commentary is priceless.

[Emma]

Will you stop it !
You look fab, and it's a great cardi on you. You need to stand next to me to see how gorgeous you are. Ask Kay !

xxx

[marianne]

Sweet Mother of all things Holy and Unholy... what a gorgeous whack of photos, and wtf? did YOUR granny look like that from behind? Mine sure as hell didn't. :^) I need a dress like that, and oh, those boots too, and the sweater. GORgeous!

[Joan in Reno]

The sweater is wonderful and looks great with that dress. I might have to look into that yarn. I am surprised at the amount of grass, etc., we can see. I thought Vermont would still be buried in snow. It is not living up to its reputation.

[BunnyQueen]

*note to self* Since I am already a 38D, I should not knit this sweater. Which is a shame, because I like it.

[Tracy J.]

Awesome! And if you scroll down the whole post a bit quickly, as I just did to refresh my memory, it sorta looks like a succession of photos from a stalker paparrazzi (sp?) chasing you around. Hilarious!

In any case, you look amazing - especially your pretty hair and enhanced boobs, and the sweater is gorgeous. I am putting it on my list, since not only is it beautiful, but nobody ever believes I'm a D-cup and it'd be nice to actually look it from time to time.

Fantastic work!

[wendy]

If you were on America's Top Model, you'd get my vote. Assuming I ever watched it.

[Lee Ann]

Is it wrong that I went and bought the pattern after the boobs commentary?

[Barb]

Great photo shoot. Was Simon Cowell one of your judges? You and Marta and the "girls" look great in the final picture

[Lisa Beamer]

You're too hard on yourself! You look great, and so does Marta. Nice job! :)

[Rachael]

You are so effin' cute. And the sweater, too. xo

[Wanda]

Love that sweater. Marta looks awesome on you!So what if you look a little boob-alicious, there's nothing wrong with that. If you've got it, flaunt it. I've always loved that pattern, but think I'm too lazy for all that ribbing.