I'm worn out from the week and have little brain power left. In times like these, I fall back on my buddies for a little lift (and cheat blog fodder).
When I got home quite late last night and opened my email, I wasn't disappointed. I can always count on Adelaide to keep me abreast of the latest and greatest word play. When I opened her email, I laughed so hard I cried. It was difficult, actually, to read the rest of my email after that.
I'll share with you, of course:
NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!
Very funny! Have a restful, knitful weekend.
Posted by: Jean E. | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 05:53 AM
oh how funny...can I post this on my blog? I'll give you a mention! Cheered my migraineous head up! Thank you :^)
Posted by: picperfic | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 05:54 AM
i love these. have a good weekend.
Posted by: maryse | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 06:37 AM
Norma, it's very early here and husband still sleeping soundly and I'm trying hard to stifle the laughs, gigglesnorts and not having much success, thank you SO much, I've needed just this ripsnorter laugh since getting up this morning!!!
I tried to choose a favourite but just couldn't....have yourself a weekend to remember (in a good way).
Posted by: marianne | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 06:40 AM
ps....you are SO getting linked today...
Posted by: marianne | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 06:41 AM
Like Marianne, I needed a laugh, too ~ thanks! I have to wake up the kids shortly and I know my 12 year old son, in particular, will like the "Flatulence" definition. ;-)
Posted by: Sue | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 06:49 AM
Those are great, Norma. Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Carole | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 07:12 AM
13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
I think I just tinkled a little!!
Happy Friday, Norma!
Stay warm and dry over there! It looks like this stom is hitting... (See, I was in denial over it... Betting the farm that "they" were wrong, and it was going to miss us!)
Posted by: pippi | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 07:16 AM
That was honestly the funniest thing I've seen/heard in days. I needed it, thanks!!
Posted by: Lisa In Oregon | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 07:38 AM
Thanks for sharing. You gave me a great start to a day that has dawned chilly, windy and raining to beat the band. Your blog was my little ray of sunshine. Have a great weekend.
Posted by: Doris | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:00 AM
Too funny! I really like #16;-)
Posted by: margene | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:03 AM
I think it was the Pokemon that got me best. Thanks for that.
Posted by: AmyP | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:20 AM
Hee...thanks for sharing. I needed that this morning...freaking Owen up at 3am.
Posted by: Kathleen | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:20 AM
Oyster's my favorite. For sure! Thanks Norma - these are great!
Posted by: Cara | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:23 AM
See that? I got Cara up early this morning...
Heh... I've "abdicated" long ago. Have a great weekend, Norma!!
Posted by: Vicki | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 08:33 AM
good morning norma-- it's another bloody snow day. which means not only will i not get any knitting done today, but i will also be jousting with the small fry for access to my own computer, preparing meals to the tune of "but i don't know what to dooooo!"-- thanks for a morning smile, stay warm! (and there i was, thoughts runnin' to maple syrup, what with the warm sun these past few days...)
Posted by: kelli Ferrigan | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 09:00 AM
Thank you for that - the best laugh I've had in ages! I just copied the list to my 2 sons at University in England and my hubby at work. Our snow is almost gone, but by the looks of what you US knit-bloggers are saying, we could have more in a week or so!
Posted by: Helen in Denmark | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 09:10 AM
Hilarious! thank you for that.
Posted by: regina | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 09:23 AM
Hee. I love those lists.
I think Oyster is my favorite!
Posted by: Jenn C. | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 09:37 AM
I've seen these before, but Pokemon is always worth a laugh.
How about executrix: the woman who must divide the cereal fairly every morning.
Or exfoliate: to rid oneself of a scandal-plagued Congressman.
Posted by: Lucia | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:03 AM
Thanks for that! Just what I needed on a dismal, pouring Friday.
Posted by: Marcia | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:05 AM
SOOO FUNNY! Thanks for that [much needed] laugh this morn. :)
Have a great weekend!
Posted by: jessica~ | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:22 AM
Those are wonderful! I snorted 5 times reading it.
Posted by: Emily | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:27 AM
ROFLMAO
Posted by: Carol | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:40 AM
Reading these while drinking coffee is not advised. I just spit some out on my computer screen because I was laughing while drinking. Thanks for the laugh!
Posted by: Brenda | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 10:49 AM
hehehe, those are so funny, hehehe. I always thought Flabbergasted should mean something of the kind, or also if spelled like I usually spell it "flabbergased" a person who fluffs all the time, hehehe.
Posted by: Isela | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 11:03 AM
Hilarious, I love it!
Posted by: Wanda | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 11:31 AM
Thanks for the laugh. given the current Newberry (how do you spell that award) kerfuffle, I think we need a definition of scrotum to go with the testicle.
Posted by: JoVE | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 12:26 PM
Love these! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Steph B. | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 12:42 PM
This? AWESOME.
Posted by: Beth S. | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 12:43 PM
Thank you for sharing! So damn funny!
Posted by: Oiyi | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 12:46 PM
Love!
Happy weekend, Norma!
Posted by: Cookie | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 02:06 PM
ow ow ow...
it hurts!
laughing that hard hurts!
Posted by: Helen | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 06:09 PM
Bless you, Norma! I've been struck by the flu and feeling low. These really made my week! I read them aloud to my roommate and couldn't even say lymph I was laughing so hard! That one's my favorite (though Pokemon is a close second)!
Posted by: Elisabeth | Friday, March 02, 2007 at 09:07 PM
Flamboyant: your flam in the bathtub :) That's an old one from Carnak the Magician (god am I dating myself!) Very funny Norma, thanks for the giggle.
I'm having more fucking puter problems (yes fucking, there I said it!) so I couldn't comment earlier but I tried to tell you to deal with your meanie commenter of a few days ago by hitting him/her in the face with a dead flounder :)
Have a good weekend, stay warm!
Posted by: Debi | Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 01:18 AM
LOL I had to google "Frisbeetarianism" and it's now on Wikipedia!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frisbeetarianism
Posted by: Donna in Virginia | Saturday, March 03, 2007 at 03:29 PM