Copout Blog Entry (Hey, At Least I'm Honest)

I think I need this mug. 

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And in stoopid court reporter news, here's one the BBC is damn glad I didn't pull outta my arse arsenal when I was writing live for television:

The essential background info:  The last two weeks have been largely taken up with a big medical malpractice deposition in a case involving an infant circumcision that went horribly wrong. 

Pause and put in your mind the vocabulary and terminology that would go along with such a case.  You finished?  You got it? 

Ok.

Yesterday's deposition was about a lady in a worker's compensation case who has wrist problems, possibly brought on by repetitive strain. 

The witness was talking about the lady's hobbies.  The lady is an avid gardener, but her most favorite thing about gardening is collecting peonies.  In fact, she's almost obsessed with peonies.  She likes all species of peonies and she buys peonies every chance she can get.  She clears large pieces of rock out of her yard for her peonies and she really takes good care of her peonies.  She was hoping to submit her peonies to the local gardening shows for judging.  But all of this is lost to her now because of her wrist problems....

La dee daaaaaaa, merrily writing along, not paying attention to the computer screen.   I'm borrrrrrred.  I'm half asleeeeeeep.  I'm thinking about the nice weather out there and wondering if Claudia is out on her tandemmmmmmmmmmm. 

La dee daaaaa, I glance at my screen.   

I see:

.........her most favorite thing about gardening is collecting penis. In fact,she's almost obsessed with penis.  She likes all species of penis, and she buys penis every chance she can get.  She clears large pieces of rock out of her yard for her penis and she really takes good care of her penis.  She was hoping to submit her penis to the local gardening shows for judging.  But all of this....

Whaddaya think, guys:  Just wondering if now is a good time to apply for that captioning position that just opened up in Atlanta.

hmmmmm..... let me sleep on it the peonies the .....oh, never mind.

Comments

[Michelle]

HA HA HA HA HA! I almost pe.n.....my pants! That's great Norma---you must've cracked your self up wid'dat one! Miss ya! Michelle

[freecia]

GAHhhh! Search and Replace Search and Replace! Thank goodness you caught that. Time to have more caffeine.
*chuckle* wonder how many more weird google searches will show up in your webstats based on this entry.

[Lauren]

Well two things people can never say about you:
(1) Rarely updated
(2) Takes good care of her penis

[Marie]

Worn out figures of speech notwithstanding, it's rare that I literally have to fear choking from laughter. I will never eat soup and read your blog simultaneously again.

Thank god you caught the slip before you had to read it back or submit the text. How did you avoid laughing out loud?

(P.S. I love peonies too.)

[Jenny]

Lawdy you are a goof! Funny funny story. Love the "movie poster" too.

[anna]

hey there's nothing wrong with collecting a few penis. they can brighten up a flower tub in summer

[sandy]

And, I wonder, if you did collect penis, would it be MANY PENII?
I just wonder.
Not that there is anything wrong with that!
hee!

[Laurie]

Funny! I did one of your malaprops while typing in your website today, and wondered how well it fit:

nownormaknots2

My DH would agree with Sandy, and say Penii. I think that I have seen penes. Good old porn novels would simply discuss all the penises that were in all the orifices. NOW let's see what your google hits are!

[Jenny]

Yeah, a penis will liven things up! I wrote a boring note in high school, that I passed in study hall. Apparently two of the words were too close together, and immediately caused outbursts of laughter with tears......"My penis skipping"........I swear I was totally innocent!

[Kim]

OMG.........haha........too funny!!!

[Jo in Ottawa]

Methinks you have been working too hard. And perhaps wanting to plant your own peonies...

[stephanie]

Freudian slip much?

[claudia]

All of my suggestions for dealing with this issue involve your husband. Do I really have to write them?

;-)

[erin]

Um, at least you caught it before sending it out, right?

[margene]

Are you sure you were thinking about Claudia on her tandom?

[jodi]

"she wanted to stop reading it. . . but she had nothing better to do!"--I find that the times when I compulsively read blogs are the times when I DO have something better to do. I can procrastinate through your entire archives if I've got some paper to write or artwork to finish.

You should come over some time and check out MY penis collection. . .

[Stalker Angie]

I love a good peony planting. It's a good way to start the day, really. Just to be able to nurture them and watch them grow and bloom. Breathtaking. It's just so...natural. Yes'm, I do like me some good peony.

I must now go giggle until it hurts. You're the best Norma.

[Cara]

Having just been to a bris - all I can say is OUCH!

[Stephanie VW]

Well, perhaps her obsession with penises would explain the repetitive strain. Case closed, your honour!

This comment has been rated R.

[Teresa C]

Always suspected, but now we really know what is on your mind ;)!

[Sara*]

Norma, I read you have a large Lamb's Pride bulky stash.

Do you think any of those colors would look good as a womb? I'm knitting a bunch for a dual writing and art senior project, and I'm looking for unique and fun colors. Let me know.

[Rossana]

I almost spewed forth, but instead just about fell out of my chair from all the laughter! Oh my goodness! Imagine the look on the attorneys' faces when the read THAT depo! HAH HAH HAH!

[mia]

I just think you have something else on your mind. Like SEX!!!

[Tish]

I once complimented my neighbor on her beautiful peonies. She gave me the strangest look. Turns out she thought I said her panties were beautiful, and was wondering why I would know that. Glad she didn't hear penii ('tho it would have been even funnier!)

[Kristen]

I love it! Though, I'm sure stupidity had nothing to do with it, but rather your id's valiant attempt to enliven a less-than-interesting work day.

[Tonia]

Hee! Reminds me of that episode of Coupling where Jane keeps Freudian-slipping "penis" for "car". Thank goodness for search-and-replace, eh?

[Emily]

Hahahaha! That's hilarious. The closest I've come to something like that was when the "L" key on my keyboard kept sticking while I was writing my dissertation-- I mentioned "pubic space issues" a number of times (and spellcheck let it pass) but luckily caught it before anyone important read it.

[Lene]

Laugh out loud kinda funny. I really needed that (very rainy up here).

Too bad you checked it before you sent it off. ;)

[melissa]

Oh, my, god... now that's funny. I lost it around the gardening judge...

[Jane]

Oops. But, hey, come on down - Atlanta is great, and we'd love to have 'ya.

[laurie]

Oh, your blog traffic is SO going to spike from that one! hahahahaha... the PENIS caused a SPIKE in blog traffic! heh! (Oh my. I am twelve. Sorry 'bout that.)

[KnitSteph]

*spews coke with lime all over monitor"

[Susan]

Love it.
I had to review a 50+ page lease one time and buried in there was the word "Penises" instead of "Premises." To this day, I'm convinced it was deliberate. Ha! They thought I wouldn't really read it.

[Collette]

So, as I read this to my attorney husband, his question was, "Was that a real-time transcript?" (For those of you that don't know--real-time means that whatever she types shows up on the attorney's screens while it's being typed.) He said he would have absolutely loved it if he'd have looked down to see your "gardening" transcript. "That," he said, "would've been a good day."

[KarenK]

Hey, I can understand how that happened - used to be a court reporter myself, and have had a few bloopers like that show up in my transcripts, although none quite so ... er, prominent.

[K. Anne]

Love the mug graphic. And I just about peed myself from the typos. Thank goodness it wasn't a live captioning! ROFLMAO!